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How to NOT Make Cookie Dough Bars

How to NOT make Cookie Dough Bars:

Instead of showing you another yummy cookie dough recipe today, let's talk about how much Chef Jess FAILED this week. 

Recent blog posts have been brought to you by our very inexperienced cookie dough connoisseur, Jess. She admitted long ago that baking wasn't her strong suit, yet tried hard none the less to keep our blog alive and new recipes coming your way weekly (with the help of her actual baker friends of course!) 

Well, this week... Jess didn't quite hit the nail on the head. All 3 times she tried to make a very easy recipe.

So for this failed recipe, you need the following...

1.) Patience. And a lot of it. 

2.) Sheer will power. 

3.) The ability to admit when you're wrong. 

4.) The raw power of the cookie dough to keep you from falling into crippling anxiety for not meeting your recipe blog deadline.  

Let's take you to the start of this story. 

Jess decided she was going to partake on the adventure of making edible cookie dough bars with a chocolate base and drizzle on top. Easy enough? She already had the cookie dough, all she needed to do was melt the chocolate. 

Attempt 1:

She attempted to melt half a cup of chocolate chips. After getting distracted by her cute kitten who wanted lunch and some much deserved snuggle time, the chocolate burned. Frustrating but not the end of the world! Just toss out the burned remains of our chocolate chip brethren and move onto a new batch. She had barely started so the frustration hadn't set it yet. 

Attempt 2:

With the cat fed and amply snuggled she went onto melting the chocolate again. She melted the chocolate with ease and went to pour it into her pan. As much as Jess claims she isn't clumsy, she couldn't fool the chocolate. She tripped on her short walk across the kitchen the chocolate flew across the floor like a baby bird trying out its wings for the first time. The floor coated in chocolately goodness and Jess now sitting defeated on the kitchen floor, she pulled herself up, mopped up the mess and was ready to try again. 

Attempt 3:

This time Jess knew she was going to get it. She just had to! She was already on her 2nd bag of chocolate chips and the clock was ticking. This blog post needed to be done. She had to prove she could make it at home and take some mouth-watering food porn photos before the day was over. She melted the chocolate with as she did before and carefully walked across the room, and poured her chocolate base into the pan. She let it cool and then added her dough on top. She added the drizzle she had been so excited for and popped the bars in the fridge to cool overnight. She gave a sigh of relief. She had done it! As Jess sat at her computer finishing a few other tasks she was ready to take the best photos ever of these cookie dough bars when it hit her... She forgot to line the pan with parchment paper. Her chocolate and dough were going to stick to the pan like no tomorrow! She hopped up and ran to the fridge as if her life and job depended on it. She pulled out the bars and sure enough... They were stuck. She fell to her knees at the fridge, her roommate concerned for the tears she might actually see Jess shed. 

Attempt 3.5:

Jess was about to throw out her mess when she realized... Had she greased the pan? Could she bake her monstrosity and still be able to salvage her efforts? Create an entirely new recipe all together? She quickly started heating the oven and mentally preparing to bake her failures into something of value. The 15/20 minutes in the oven felt like a lifetime. The timer went off and she pulled her molten cookie dough mess out of the over. She let it cool once again and attempted to break it from it's prison. Alas, it was still stuck...

At this point, Jess had to call it quits. She wasn't going to be able to get this post done by the deadline. So here we are. Reading about her failures. 

Everyone give Jess a round of applause for her efforts this week. She claims next week will be well worth reading her trainwreck of a baking experience.

Please note that Jess wrote this herself. So all feelings about Jess's ability to bake are her own and do not reflect the feelings of Big Dipper Dough toward Jess. We appreciate all she does and couldn't help but laugh at her mistakes.